Table Listener

"Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak..." -James 1:19

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another person has to say. -B. H. McGill

The most important role the Table Listeners play during the weekend is to help create a friendly, safe, and authentic environment at the tables so that first time Brothers are comfortable sharing and opening up. A big part of creating that safe environment includes an emphasis on really listening to each man at the table and also listening to the Lord in your own heart.

See 6 Table Listener Preparation Insights

See 6 Approaches to Table Facilitation

The two tabs below provide information about the Table Listener (TL) role.
"WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING" explores the skills needed for the role, and "HOW TO SERVE" will help prepare your heart for the role.

What you will be doing

What you will be doing

  • Facilitate Discussion at the Table

    • Your main role during the weekend is to listen to the Lord and the men at your table and then facilitate discussion after each speaker presents.
    • After each talk, the Spiritual Facilitator will allow time for reflection and to journal key takeaways.
    • Following the time of reflection, there will be 30-40 minutes of table discussion.
    • After the tables wrap up their discussion, the Spiritual Facilitator will open the discussion for the entire conference room. This is an opportunity for first-time Brothers to share with the entire group and an important time for creating a sense of community among the entire group.

  • Facilitate Stories at Your Table

    • Part of your role is to help manage the process of telling our stories. On Saturday morning, we will have a two-hour time for men to share their stories. Each man is given 15-minutes.
    • It is critically important that the TL, ATL, and TS work together to manage the clock. Have someone keep time and give cues at 3-4 minutes remaining. Use discretion here to allow men to go over a couple of minutes if necessary. If your table needs additional time for all to share, sit together as a table and finish over Saturday lunch.
  • Coordinate with your Assistant Table Listener
    • Communicate regularly with your ATL during the weekend to hear what he is perceiving from the weekend at the table.  
    • Communicate with your ATL if there are any sharing times you want him to primarily facilitate. 

  • Saturday Night at the Cross Ceremony

    • The Saturday evening cross-nailing can be an intense time of reflection and commitment.
    • Please keep your table seated together in the worship area.
    • As the Brothers at your table nail their obstacles to God’s grace to the cross, pray that their commitment will be authentic and long lasting.
    • Be “present” and offer an embrace or word of compassion as needed.

  • Keep things moving

    • An important role is to help maintain the conference schedule by keeping on task with respect to the clock.
    • Shepherd the men back into the conference room after meals and breaks.
    • Please do not linger in conversation and become a part of the problem!

  • Keep the Discussion on Topic

    • You may need to guide discussions back on topic if someone begins to share irrelevant details or goes off on a tangent.
    • Never allow conversation on politics, culture or theology.
    • Make sure everyone has a chance to share in the discussion.

How to Serve

How to Serve

  • Relational Safety

    • It is very important to create a “safe environment” where Brothers are willing to open up, share thoughts, and ideas during table discussion. Your willingness to be transparent and vulnerable will set the tone of your table.
    • Never put a man “on the spot” or force sharing if someone is uncomfortable. This will cause a Brother to shut down!

  • Don't fix others

    • The TL and ATL roles are not about offering advice or fixing problems. It is about trusting the Lord.
    • The TL/ATL are to allow the Holy Spirit to work as you listen, love, and serve.

  • Be Sensitive to Conversation Dynamics

    • Please be aware of the relational and conversational dynamic at your table.
    • Be sensitive to who’s dominating and who is not participating.
    • Some Brothers may require some gentle nudging and “drawing out” while others may need to be tactfully redirected when dominating the conversation.

  • Make Good Eye Contact

    • Be sensitive to your body language and recognize the importance of eye contact.
    • Eye contact communicates love and respect and shows you care about what they have to say.

  • Follow the Holy Spirit

    • As you facilitate table conversation, ask God to do what only He can do.
    • Remember that revelation from the Holy Spirit is more transformational than receiving an opinion or solution from another man.
    • Asking insightful questions and follow-up question helps go deeper into what the Spirit wants to reveal.

  • Use Open Ended Questions

    • Use open-ended questions to allow Brothers to speak freely and discover for themselves unique strengths, gifts, and areas for growth.
    • When facilitating discussion, allow the conversation to develop organically instead of simply going around the table.

  • Listen between the lines

    • Listen with your ears and your heart to the responses at your table and read between the lines to what men are saying.
    • Remember that people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Attributes of a Table Listener

  • Humility

    • Sharing difficult experiences in your own life with humility and authenticity will encourage other men to share openly as well.

  • Transparency

    • The most effective and powerful way to engage your table is to be transparent and vulnerable.

  • Sensitivity

    • If a man is not engaged, try to connect with him during lunch or breaks.
    • Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and ask if the Lord is prompting you to speak or be silent?

  • Congeniality

    • In an effort to make the Brothers comfortable, just be yourself and not “overly spiritual.”
    • Be warm, friendly, and “just a regular” guy to create a safe environment.

  • Humor

    • Encourage laughter and appropriate humor. Let’s not take ourselves too seriously!

  • Compassion

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    • Remember that some of the Brothers at your table may be going through difficult life circumstances.
    • As men share their hurts and struggles, be empathetic, compassionate, and acknowledgement their pain.

Spiritual Preparation and Prayer

The most important thing you can do in preparation for the weekend is to pray for yourself and the men at your table. Clear your calendar of potential distractions. If you are carrying burdens at home or work, have family and friends pray for you before and during the weekend.